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Stephen King's Dallas Novel Nominated for Bad Sex Award

by Jerome Weeks 22 Nov 2011 2:43 PM

Another insult to our fair city and its reputation for hot times.


Another insult to our fair city. Sigh.

The horror master’s new time-travelling-teacher-tries-to-stop-Oswald novel, 11.22.63, is on the shortlist for the Literary Review’s annual Bad Sex Award. He joins such illustrious sex repellants as Haruki Murakami (IQ84), Sebastian Barry (On Canaan’s Side) and Jean M. Auel (The Land of Painted Caves). In its 19th year, the award was established to mock gratuitous or embarrassing descriptions of sex in literature — in the faint hope of stopping repeat offenders.

King’s main character likens sex to “a horizontal version of the Madison” dance but the release cites a longer scene in which the teacher slowly takes off his clothes — impressing his bedmate.

“Ohmygodyes,” she said … “Is there more?”

“A little more,” I said. “I don’t know how much. I haven’t been with a woman in a long time.”

Which, all in all, doesn’t sound too bad; it’s mostly just a weak attempt at humor. Not like a previous nominee I remember who compared sex to getting sneezed on. Try working that sentiment into a Valentine’s Day card.