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Beware of Hot Out-of-Town Actors


by Lee Trull 12 Jun 2009

Guest blogger Lee Trull is Associate Artist with the Dallas Theater Center and a member of the Kitchen Dog Theater Company. Jihad Jones and the Kalishnikov Babes at Kitchen Dog Theater is in its third week, and I will be seeing it tonight for the third time. It’s fast paced, funny, topical and fresh. However, […]

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Chris Carlos, Mike Federicco, Lulu Ward, Ethan Rains and Leah Spillman

Chris Carlos, Mike Federicco, Lulu Ward, Ethan Rains and Leah Spillman in a scene from Jihad Jones. Photo by Mike Mrozek.

Guest blogger Lee Trull is Associate Artist with the Dallas Theater Center and a member of the Kitchen Dog Theater Company.

Jihad Jones and the Kalishnikov Babes at Kitchen Dog Theater is in its third week, and I will be seeing it tonight for the third time. It’s fast paced, funny, topical and fresh. However, the thought that lingers most with me after each performance is how much hotter the out-of-town talent is than me.

I mean WAY hotter.

This is distressing.

Now, I have never thought of myself as a “hot” guy. On the other hand, I’ve never harbored insecurity about my looks. I like the way Nick Hornby puts it: if there was Quasimodo on one side and on the other side Mel Gibson, I would definitely be on the Mel Gibson side.

But this guy – this Ethan Rains – he makes me feel too fat and too thin at the same time. After each show, I run to the men’s room and check my hair line. Currently, the men of Kitchen Dog Theater have begun pulling together a little cash for our “send Ethan back to L.A. where he belongs” fund. Mike Federico emptied his savings account. Chris Carlos has donated his paycheck. Joe Nemmers is selling his plasma. Ian Leson is dressing up like a cow and holding a sign in front of a Chik-Fil-a. So look out, Ethan, we are motivated!

Come this time next year, I’m going to have a six pack and those weird lines on your hips that all the girls at the office talk about.

And then I’m moving to L.A.

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  • Walter

    They give those lines in your stomach when you move to LA…
    they’re called starvation lines. Nice witty article Mr. Trull.

    • mike federico

      Also, I think if I really try, I can reach 5′ 8″ next year. OK, maybe 5′ 7″.

  • Mr. Trull,

    Your observations are incredibly acute. There’s a reason the center of the entertainment industry isn’t Hollywood, Michigan. The Code of Hotness is strictly enforced on this coast.

    As a super-sexy Angelino myself, I very much look forward to heating the room up even further when I come for the show in a few weeks.

    -Mr. Ginsburg

  • Leah Spillman

    Good luck, boys, because I’ve raised A LOT of money from the ladies for the “Keep Ethan Right Here Fund.”

    I love working with all of the guys in our company, but you won’t hear me complaining about this gig. . .

    I’m just sayin.

  • Mel Gibson

    I have met Lee Trull, and I have to agree that he is on my side of the Quasimodo scale. Still, the guy in the play is unreal-hot. I actually caught this play at Kitchen Dog Theater last week and the male lead is hot! Hotter than me … if you can imagine a man hotter than me. So, to you mortals, sacrifice all that you have – I still win.

  • Ian Leson

    Speak for yourself, Lee. I’ve been ripped for years. If you weren’t so pigeon-chested yourself, you might have caught me at the gym.

    • Christie Vela

      Leah,

      I have a large check for you.